Mantras are funny things. They stay constant when our surroundings change. When good turns to bad and right turns to wrong, I guess this is when we need our mantras most. The irony here being that this is when we tend to question them. The once positive affirmation turns into a naive quote and all we are left with is self-pity. For a long time, the journalist in me has approached mantras with skepticism. Always slightly unconvinced. But over enough time, I’ve come to realise the only constant we are able to rely on in our lives is the talk that occurs in our heads. May as well make it good chat. Which is why, lately, I’ve come to lean on many mantras. There’s what you think about, you bring about and when you know better, you do better and, one I now deploy in times of great crisis, Just exist. (Thank you, Patti Andrews.)

But this week, just exist was replaced by another: Everything is always working out for you. Now before your eyes complete their rolling, I would like to inform you that Oprah said that. It is, in fact, Oprah’s mantra. I stumbled upon this mantra during my Commencement Speech YouTube Spiral which I am now deeming productive because it has produced two newsletters. And in her Commencement Speech at Colorado College, Oprah asked the graduates to recall all the times they were worried and upset and didn’t think they’d make it through. “And here you are today,” she said. “You made it. And I’m here to tell you, that you’re going to be more than OK. So take a deep breath with me right now, and repeat this: Everything is always working out for me. That’s my mantra, make it yours. Everything is always working out for me, because it is and it has and it will continue to be as you forge and discover your own path.”

“In the moment when you fail, it really feels bad. And it’s embarrassing. And it’s going to happen to you if you keep living. But I guarantee you, it also will pass and you will be fine.”

And you are probably thinking, well everything has worked out for Oprah. Everything does work out for Oprah. So here’s a story for you. For years, Oprah had “a job” and at 28, she was demoted from that job. She had started her career in radio at 16, before moving into television reporting at 19, eventually making her way to the news desk. The entire time it felt like “a job” for her, because she never felt like she was meant to be there. She would cry when she met families who had lost their homes and consoled parents who had lost their children and then, at 28, she was deemed “too emotional” for the job. She was moved, instead, to a talk show. “That was a demotion for me at the time that actually worked out for me,” said Oprah. “I got demoted and discovered my life’s calling.”

I’m not here to claim that whatever failure you’re currently dealing with, will lead you to hosting the world’s most prolific talk show. I’m not even here to tell you it will lead you directly and swiftly to your life’s calling. It may not. But it is a small step in the right direction. Oprah attributes her success to appreciating the small steps and always paying attention. Throughout her life, she has consistently asked herself the question, what is this moment here to show me? It is a question we can all benefit from asking ourselves. Because failures – when you are in them – feel like personal injustices instead of defining and helpful sliding doors. Maybe it is useful to reposition our focus. Maybe it is useful to ask the question and find some answers and, eventually, change our perspective. As the answers will gradually stack up, take shape and the path will be made a little clearer. It may not make sense now, but it will. And what choice do we have other than to accept that?

Over time, I’ve come to realise the accuracy of the mantra is not the point. All that matters is that it works for you, and keeps you in a mindset where life is working for you, not against you. You may not be able to control the exact destination of your life, but you do choose the friend you walk through it with. Your internal monologue. The friend that tells you this will get better and you will get through this and that it will, eventually, all work out. Or the friend that tells you you’re screwed. I am not always good at choosing the first friend, but each mantra is an attempt to choose this friend more often, and eventually, every single time failure hits. Because it will hit. “For years, at every graduation, I’ve said, ‘There’s no such thing as failure.’ Well, there is,” said Oprah. “I’ve said there’s no such thing as failure – it’s just life pointing you into a different direction. It does. It indeed does. But in the moment when you fail, it really feels bad. And it’s embarrassing. And it’s going to happen to you if you keep living. But I guarantee you, it also will pass and you will be fine. Why? Because everything is always working out for you.”