Every decade has its clichés for a reason. They are usually true. In your twenties, you’re an adult and everything is shiny and exciting. In your thirties, you believe you’re supposed to have everything figured out and you quickly realise that you don’t. Then you panic.

In your forties, a level of acceptance arrives. An understanding that this is who you are and this is your life. But there’s also an underlying resentment, a belief that you haven’t done anything for yourself. And because of that, you’ve lost yourself. So you have to find your way back to that person.

When I looked back to interrogate who I actually was away from all the busyness, I couldn’t find it. So I had to really concentrate on finding her, finding Em, before the kids, before the job. I stripped everything away and I felt like I was free falling. This spurred me to do therapy, to heal my inner child (I know I can hear you all rolling your eyes but it’s a real thing and I bet you need to do it too), to ask more questions which did lead me to an ADHD and autism diagnosis. Being curious about yourself and actually putting in time and effort to fix the things you’ve been enduring may seem like a wild and selfish concept – I am here to tell you that it’s REALLY not. Which leads us to point two!

It’s okay to think about the woman you were before your career and kids came along. It’s okay to think about that woman and develop her and nurture her. It’s okay to want more. So firstly, give you permission to do just that.

When you realise that you want to find your way back to yourself, you have to figure out what that looks like, who that self is. To do that, you have to ask yourself tough questions: What puts energy back into me? What makes me feel less depleted? If you had all the space and time in the world, what would you do just for you?

They are really hard questions to ask a person whose entire existence revolves around providing that for other people. It may evoke a bit of guilt. You may start to think I don’t deserve that or I don’t have time for this. We quickly snap out of those luxurious thoughts because we have to be practical. We have to consider time, and there’s never enough time. But if you were allowed an entire week to yourself, how would you fill it?

It might be as simple as taking a pottery class or scrapbooking or exercising or painting. Whatever it is, you’ve just got to try and find your way back to that stuff that does light you up when you’re not feeling crushed by the pressures of life. And that’s where you begin. Ask yourself those questions.

Every email, every request, every demand that is placed upon me, I ask myself: Does this point towards me or away from me? If I say yes to this, am I saying no to myself? What would I advise a friend? I have to check in with myself like that. Always.

You’ve got to be relentless with yourself. Check in with yourself every day. Put a reminder in your phone. Find that time for yourself and make a habit of it. It’s hard but it’s really empowering. And once you feel less exhausted, you get addicted to that. You have to get into the habit of protecting your space and protecting your peace. Whatever you do, you have to care for yourself like you would care for someone you love.